The breaking point.
Moment of truth.
However we term it, it means the same thing. It means I’m completely and totally disinterested in running and pretty much anything to do with running. Thinking about running. Writing about running. Hunting for the missing running sock in the laundry. Planning for runs, eating for runs, hydrating, mapping the miles. Blistering. Chafing. Cramping. Sweating. Those godforsaken packets of goo.
All of it.
You probably saw this coming. Personally, I was hoping I might make it just a little farther in the process before I hit it.
A seemingly immovable force between me and the other side. The other side being what I’m presuming must be some sort of athletic nirvana where instead of legs that feel like lead with every single step or even the slightest thought of movement, the act of running is once again light and breezy, fluid and easy. The drudgery running has become is replaced over there with what I’m sure is rosy-cheeked cherubs cheering you on, pleasantly fanning you with palm fronds and misting you with Gatorade, while raining down tequila, gummy bears and bacon from the heavens. Journey is probably also playing. Triumphant drum solos at ear bleeding decibels, pillowy clouds underfoot and the like. If only I could get there.
With just about 2 ½ weeks to go, the next days will be focused on powering through training runs and hopefully managing the longest run I’ll have attempted yet. The anticipation itself is intimidating. After the last long run which felt, and I was convinced was, much longer than it actually was, I shudder at pushing even farther. I know I have to be mindful of myself, with the precarious situation my tendons are in. Knowing when each mile seems more mind numbing than the last, it can be a challenge to focus on the present and what is happening in it.
I want to still love running when this is all over. Maybe if I manage to make it through to cherub-central, I just might be able to find a way love it again. Maybe even better and with a renewed sense of appreciation. And hopefully with a mouth full of beer and gummy bears.
Here’s to pushing past the wall, and finding out what the heck is waiting for us on the other side of it.